Just like Pinocchio, all I ever wanted, was to be a real boy. To have a fairy godmother wave her magic wand and make it the way it was always supposed to be… but isn’t…
For years I struggled with the decision to transition. I always told myself “if it gets REALLY bad, if I get seriously suicidal, then I’ll do something about it, but until then, I just need to suck it up. Be grateful for the healthy, functional body I have, even if it feels like it isn’t mine.” This is what I told myself each and every single day.
Eventually, however, I got to the point where I just couldn’t see a future anymore. Whenever I thought of myself as a female five years down the track, I’d just draw a complete blank. And I just felt completely exhausted by that voice in my head saying “Should I? Shouldn’t I? Should I? Shouldn’t I? Should I? Shouldn’t I?” leaving absolutely no room for anything else, leaving me in a limbo state where I felt I just couldn’t move forward in my life. Unlike Pinocchio, my nose didn’t grow, but everything about my life felt like a lie.
Unlike Pinocchio, my nose didn’t grow, but everything about my life felt like a lie.
It’s now been five years since I began my transition. These days, when I see myself in the mirror I feel infinitely closer to the reflection I see but in all honesty, I still feel like Pinocchio.
As a kid, I loved Star Wars. But the scene that left the biggest impression on me, is one most fans hardly remember at all. It’s at the end of The Empire Strikes Back, after all the action is over, Luke Skywalker is sitting opposite a medical droid, having the fingertips of his new Bionic hand pricked with a needle to test his sensory capabilities. I am absolutely not joking when I tell you, the very first thing I thought when I saw this at the age of eight was “oh my god, one day, it might be possible for me to have a penis like that!”
So when I heard about the Bionic Project, this gave me hope that one day, hopefully in the not too distant future, I might reach a point where I feel close enough to being what I was always meant to be.
So, Bionic Team, thank you for giving me hope. And allow me to throw some encouraging words your way.
“When you reach for the stars you may not quite get one, but you won’t come up with a handful of mud either.”
– Leo Burnett