This is an update I’ve been wanting to write for a while as a direct follow up to “A trans man’s guide to dating straight women (part 2)” (In order for this story to totally make sense, I’d recommend reading this also.)
It turns out this story really wasn’t over when I published it, and I’ve been wanting to share its continuation, as I think it shows that even when things really don’t look like they’re going your way, they can sometimes turn around.
So let me pick up the story where I left off. I wrote this part 2 the day after a woman that I really liked an awful lot, let me down gently after my “trans reveal”. I wrote it as a way of processing the situation for myself and also thought perhaps it might be helpful for others in similar situations to read.
The day we parted ways, I’d told her “I’ll be totally honest and say that I really do feel like this got called too soon. If in a few weeks you feel the same, then you know where to find me.”
Turns out, she did!
But to back up a bit, she did check in with me the next day with a simple “how are you today?” which I thought was really sweet. I also sent her a brief email thanking her for some awesome, albeit too brief memories, along with a link to the blog post, which I think did get her thinking… and processing… and over the following two weeks we continued to have a few friendly text exchanges.
And then she asked me over for dinner.
Turns out that what I had been saying all along in these last two blog posts, was also the case here. It just takes a bit of digestion and processing time. Given that time, more often than not, it’s very possible to move forward and I’m very happy to say that since that dinner, things have been going strong and getting stronger day by day.
We connect incredibly well, emotionally, intellectually and physically and for her, the fact that I’m trans, is just a non issue. But she freely admits that there’s plenty of pluses to dating a guy that has been socialised as female for a large part of his life. Also that one gets to choose…. erm… the size of the package. She personally prefers the 7″ Joystick over the 6″ ;)
I’m encouraging her to write “A straight woman’s guide to dating a trans man” and hopefully one day she will, but in the meantime, I just wanted to put it out there for everyone else that even if the initial reaction to you revealing your biggest vulnerability to someone you really, really like, doesn’t go as you’d like it to, it may just take a bit of patience and time. You can’t force these things, but you can respectfully step back while still leaving the door open and then who knows, it may turn out to be very worth it indeed.
Six months on, I’m certainly very, very glad I did.